MEXICO February, 2008!

Sometimes there are no words to describe the sights there are to see. If I was a gifted writer I might be able to paint a word picture to describe exactly what I saw and how I felt, but even then, you would never know what I really experienced until you saw, touched, tasted, and smelled for yourself. There is no level of imagination that can be accurate. There are certain emotions I only feel in Mexico. My heart is broken and I feel powerless to do anything. I saw entire families living in houses smaller than my bedroom. I smelled trash thrown everywhere. I saw children throwing rocks at the overpopulation of starving dogs. I saw a woman whose 5 kids slept in a double bed while she slept on the cold cement floor. I saw the same woman make a living by cooking food off of a piece of metal and cement rocks. This is the woman who has had one of the greatest effects of my life. On the walls of her very small palate house, Deborah had Bible verses written, some in Spanish, some in English. The one that stuck out the most was "the Lord is my Shepherd. I shall not want." Seeing this almost brought tears to my eyes as I realized that here is this woman, with almost nothing to call her own and she is reminding herself not to want. This is the same verse I quote to myself when there is something I want but can not have. What an amazing woman. She was blessed with a new home, a stove, and a bed, but she blessed me with so much more.
It's amazing how this was my 6th trip to Mexico. I still cannot believe how radically changed I am each time I go down. I have not been desensitized to the sights and smells. In fact, I think each time something new is sparked in my heart, something I never caught before. Thank you, Father, for once again allowing me to make this trip!

There's a lot going on in my mind right now. So many decision to make. So much responsibility. Sometimes it's not easy to remember God. Does anyone have any tips on this? Seriously.
Right now the biggest decision I have to make is college. It's between SVSU and GVSU. I had made up my mind to go to SVSU, but then I felt a big unrest about it. So then I was leaning to GVSU. Yesterday I went on a visit to SV with my parents and Mallory. I really like it. But I really like GV too. I know I'd be happy at either college. The biggest problem is my need to please people.I just know that wherever I decide to go, someone is going to be disappointed in me. My parents and sibs want me to go to GV. One of my best friends Mallory wants me to room with her at SV. No matter what I'm letting someone down. And that is one of my biggest fears. I've been doing a lot of praying lately and I'm trying to choose a colleged based on where God wants me, not where anyone else wants me. Anyone got any advice? This would be greatly appreciated.
Now I'm off to enjoy the rest of my snow day! Woohoo!!! I guess there are perks to living in Michigan!

Sometimes I am just blown away by the awesome God that I serve! Julie has been talking a lot lately about the body and natural things. The body is so connected, so functional, so practical. Everything just does it's own job and works together to do the everyday things that we don't even think about. I am typing this right now because my brain is telling muscles to move and they are! I am breathing right now because my brain is telling my body to take in oxygen and discard the toxins, but I don't have to lay here and tell myself to inhail, I just do! My eyes aren't dry because I am blinking. I am alive right now because my heart is beating and pumping the blood through my body. I am amazed! I don't understand how this could come from nothing. I don't understand how God could create all of this, but even more I don't understand how He couldn't have. My brain is too small to comprehend the wonders of the Creator, but I think there is enough proof to look at a body and say that it was created. The way everything flows. God breathed air into every one of us.I just don't see how anyone could buy the earth just appeared theories. Look at the body. How could you not believe in God?

RIP Drew LeRoy

The past few months have been both difficult and surprisingly happy at the same time. Thanksgiving was hard (read below to see why), Christmas was as usual the most wonderful time of the year,and New Years Eve was not so fun. I attended the crappiest party ever and had to call my brother to beg him to pick me up. I miss my driver's license dearly, but I get it back in 107 days and it will be a party! I will be turning 18 in a month and want to have a big party! I finally got my parents to accept that I want to go to SVSU, and one of my best friends, Mallory, would like to room with me. As long as she gets accepted, that's the plan. I got to spend some quality time with Julie and Rena on Saturday which was just what the doctor ordered! J-term started, and I'm loving it! Today we watched Star Wars and John Q in the Hollywood class, and I got the part of the March Hare (I didn't know what it was either) in the musical. Mexico is in 5 weeks, so I couldn't be more exited!
So that was just a rundown of what has been going down. I am enjoying everything and loving life. God has sure been faithful to me this season, and I can't wait to see what's in store for the rest of the year!

A friend of the family was killed on Thanksgiving Day in a drunk driving accident. A twenty-one year old man was killed because some idiot was too wasted to drive on the correct side of the road. It's something that you read about in the paper, but it doesn't seem real until it happens to someone you know. It's like reading about the wars in other countries, but it just didn't seem important until the U.S. was attacted on our own soil. I hate that things like this are happening every single day. What starts out as a night out on the town ends in devestation because someone drinks himself to the point of not knowing when to just call a cab. You think it won't happen to you when you go out and get so inibriated, but you don't know what will happen because you get too impared to make that judgement. It kills me to know that so many of my friends are in this sichuation, and I am scared to death that something is going to happen to you! So just don't do it! Nothing tastes that good.

American Idol Concert!

Oh my gosh! The American Idol Season Six Tour kicked butt! It was so much fun, and it was great music (even better than when they were on tv). Afterwards, I got to meet a lot of the "idols" and get pictures and suff. Those pics are on my other computer, but I will post them ASAP as well as tell you all about how we rocked the house! I'm still in awe! I know it's totally nerdy to be in to AI, but I don't care, it was amazing! I just wish it was me up there.... more than almost anything, I wish that I could be the one up there singing and the one signing autographs afterward and the one that little kids get there pictures with. Maybe one day...

Mallory and me.... before. We're So exited!

Our exited faces. We just saw Blake Lewis!

This is it, the reason we're all here, ladies and gentleman. It's Blake Lewis, Baby!

So, I didn't realize that anyone read this anymore. That is, until I wrote that infamous last post. Well, I deleted it from the public eye, so that you guys don't have to worry. But I have to wonder.... if I have so many readers, why do I have no comments? Hmmm...???

RIP Jule Marie Kovar

I don't know why this is so hard. Maybe it's because she was so young. Maybe it's because I saw all of her best friends desperately mourning her loss. Maybe it's because I wittnessed her unconsolable friend screaming out "why did it have to be me to watch her die!" Maybe it's because I will miss her smiling face! The Times Herald published an article on the front page of the paper (shown below) and I sold several while I was at work that day. I teared up with each paper that I put in a bag. Yesterday I went to the showing and there was a beautiful video of pictures of Jule that got me crying pretty hard. The whole thing was hard because I HATE crying in front of people. I hate it because I hate not being strong and the tears are a sign of weakness. Then Craig said I would thank him one day if I went up to the casket to see her body. I'm not thanking him yet. In fact, I had to leave the funeral home. I couldn't just couldn't handle it! There she was, without her beautiful smile looking completely lifeless and I couldn't handle it. I AM weak, aren't I? There were just too many people. I still don't feel like I've let it out yet.....
I just need a hug!
And to Jule, you are a beautiful girl, and you will definately be missed, especially when the youth group gets together. I, for one, will always miss your smile and upbeat attitude. I was always jelous because you had this level of confidence that I could never achieve. Your death has shown me so much, and I will never be the same. Thank you for the long life you lived in those 14 short years. Rest in peace, Jule!

Times Herald
"Family and friends are mourning the death of a fun-loving 14-year-old Fort Gratiot girl who was only weeks away from starting high school in Port Huron.Jule Kovar, the daughter of former Port Huron school board member Anna Kovar and Dr. Richard Kovar, drowned Wednesday in Lake Huron while swimming with a friend at Grand Bend Public Beach in Ontario. The friend's mother, who has not been identified, called to the girls about 7:30 p.m., but Jule was unable to make it out of the water.Grand Bend Public Beach is on the eastern shore of Lake Huron about 50 miles from Port Huron.Jule was an avid tennis player and a well-known face at the Port Huron Tennis House. Earlier this month, she played in the Francis J.Robinson Memorial International Tennis Tournament in Sanborn Park. She was preparing to enter her freshman year at Port Huron Northern High School.Dave Brown, Jule's longtime tennis coach, said the teen was spirited, well-liked and loved to have fun. He and several others learned of her death Wednesday night and have been trying to cope with the loss."It was a rough night, it's been a rough day, it's going to be a rough time period here for people at the tennis house," he said.Police said a 17-year-old Beachville, Ontario, boy tried to use a boogie board to rescue Jule and had to be pulled from the water.Jule attended Cornerstone Church in Clyde Township where she was active in the church's youth program. Friends had a vigil Thursday night at the church.Youth Pastor Craig Coon said Jule had a lot of close friends at the church, which she started attending a few years ago. She was excited about her upcoming baptism in Lake Huron on Aug. 26 at Lakeside Beach in Port Huron."She loved life and was always smiling," he said.John Byrne, chief administrative officer of Lambton Shores, Ontario, said the drowning occurred on the beach south of the Ausable River. Lifeguards are stationed only at the north beach, he said, and the south beach is posted as being unsupervised.Someone almost drowned on the same stretch of beach about a week ago but was rescued by a passerby.Wednesday's incident appeared to be caused by the waves, Byrne said. Police said the waves were about 3 feet high. "There were windy conditions, and the swells were several meters high," he said.Jule was found about 8 p.m. on the south side of a nearby pier. She was taken to South Huron Hospital in Exeter, Ontario, but had no vital signs and was pronounced dead a short time later.The 17-year-old boy who tried to help her also was taken to the hospital for treatment. He was treated and released."

The Wickmans are staying in Michigan. My dad didn't get the job in California because they hired some deuchbag with a masters degree. Minneapolis didn't hire him because he's too "even keeled". The last time I checked being even keeled is good, but whatever. Their loss, right? My dad took a job as project manager at some company that a guy from church owns. I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not dissapointed. This next year is going to be very tough, but hopefully I'll be able to get through it with the help of God, friends, my van, and booze. Just kidding about the booze part! We are moving, but it will be to a modular home (hopefully the Lakes!) so we can save money and everything.
Please pray for my sanity!!!