What happened to the old, simple blogger?

It's intersesting how lives can change in just a matter of weeks. I haven't posted about Rachel since before she came, but let's just say we weren't exactly the best of friends. It's impossible to pinpoint exactly what made her the way she is. Could it be years of abuse? Is it possible that someone could be born without a concience? Whatever the circumstance, it must have been horrible. How can someone go through hell and not come out undamaged in some way? I hate myself for not showing her love. I hate myself for not giving her what she needed. And most of all, I hate that I put my personal feelings for her ahaid of showing her the love of Christ that she has never experienced before.

I think a better question than what made her the way she is would be what exactly mademe the way I am? I have always been loved. I have never been abused and my needs have always been met. I know that Christ loved me so much that he would DIE for me! How then, with all of that, is it so hard for me to show that same love to her, or even point her toward that love. Now it's too late, and all I can do is pray that she will find and experience the agape love of Jesus Christ, and plead with God that I will be able to show the next kids thelove that God has shown me.

I'm sorry for failing, God!

The picture is of Rachel, Angel, and Marina... myold foster sister, and me two new ones.