Wow.... I don't know what to do with myself sometimes.
Lately I have been joyfull. I've been loving life. Sometimes I forget that I have depression. And if you know anything about that it's the best thing in the world! Praise God from whom all blessings flow! But right now I'm not forgetting.
I feel like I'm such an aweful person! Terrible. Ugly. Rude. Cruel. Stupid. Just about every bad adjective I can think of describes the way I feel about myself right now. I don't know what to do. Why is it that I feel so unloved? Like never will I ever be able to be loved by anyone. Maybe any guy. I know I'm only 15, but I feel like a looser because no guy has ever liked me. Ever since I was like born I have been told that I can't date til I'm 16. That's fine with me because I'm almost 16 and I am not mature enough for a boyfriend and I know that. I accept that. But I at least want that option. Sarah's first date was on her birthday and Benj's was the same month. Maybe if I wasn't such an ugly idiot I would actually have a guy interested in me. It's crazy because I am not the tipical teenager girl who is obsessed with finding a boyfriend, I just want to be liked by one. I feel real stupid saying that, but this is my blog and I can say whatever the heck I would like to. I'm not saying this to get people to say, "Kathryn, you're not an idiot." Nope, I'm just stating how I honestly feel. And that is ugly. If you are thinking in your head right now that Kathryn is just seeking attention, get the freaking thought out of your head right now because as much as people think I am... I am not. I want to be known, but not always the center of attention. I get too self consious in the middle.
But how can I not feel ugly when people very close to me tell me that often. Just this morning I got called ugly white trash. And it was no joke. I wouldn't care if it was people joking around. If I said who said it, ya'll would know it wasn't a joke.
This year for speach meet I am doing a devotional again. I think I'm going to do it on finding self-worth in Christ because I need to hear that too.
Wow...... I can't beleive I just wrote all that. I must be really lame. But I really needed to get tht out.
Ok, Kathryn is done writing bad things about herself. If I am postive maybe I'll come of out this. Besides, I don't think God wants me talking bad about his creation.
On a good note..... I have fudge! I love chocolate!
Lately I have been joyfull. I've been loving life. Sometimes I forget that I have depression. And if you know anything about that it's the best thing in the world! Praise God from whom all blessings flow! But right now I'm not forgetting.
I feel like I'm such an aweful person! Terrible. Ugly. Rude. Cruel. Stupid. Just about every bad adjective I can think of describes the way I feel about myself right now. I don't know what to do. Why is it that I feel so unloved? Like never will I ever be able to be loved by anyone. Maybe any guy. I know I'm only 15, but I feel like a looser because no guy has ever liked me. Ever since I was like born I have been told that I can't date til I'm 16. That's fine with me because I'm almost 16 and I am not mature enough for a boyfriend and I know that. I accept that. But I at least want that option. Sarah's first date was on her birthday and Benj's was the same month. Maybe if I wasn't such an ugly idiot I would actually have a guy interested in me. It's crazy because I am not the tipical teenager girl who is obsessed with finding a boyfriend, I just want to be liked by one. I feel real stupid saying that, but this is my blog and I can say whatever the heck I would like to. I'm not saying this to get people to say, "Kathryn, you're not an idiot." Nope, I'm just stating how I honestly feel. And that is ugly. If you are thinking in your head right now that Kathryn is just seeking attention, get the freaking thought out of your head right now because as much as people think I am... I am not. I want to be known, but not always the center of attention. I get too self consious in the middle.
But how can I not feel ugly when people very close to me tell me that often. Just this morning I got called ugly white trash. And it was no joke. I wouldn't care if it was people joking around. If I said who said it, ya'll would know it wasn't a joke.
This year for speach meet I am doing a devotional again. I think I'm going to do it on finding self-worth in Christ because I need to hear that too.
Wow...... I can't beleive I just wrote all that. I must be really lame. But I really needed to get tht out.
Ok, Kathryn is done writing bad things about herself. If I am postive maybe I'll come of out this. Besides, I don't think God wants me talking bad about his creation.
On a good note..... I have fudge! I love chocolate!
posted by **Kathryn Joy** at 6:06 PM
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