Arminianism vrs. Calvanism

So, I was ellected captain of the debate we're having in Bible (because I "know the most about Jesus" or something). It's Calvanism (John Calvin) verses Arminianism (Wesley). I am on the Arminian side which is good because I tend to lean more towards Wesley's way of thinking. Now, mind you, I am a 10th grade student who doesn't know much about either, but I formed my opinions from what I know of them. If anyone knows anything that could help me in this debate, let me know please!
I'll let you know how it goes when it's over.

I belive God is a God that work in milliseconds. This car accident would have been fatal if were were a split second later or earlier. We would be dead. And I would not be in Heaven. It makes me sad to think about. But we are ok, praise God! I can't imagine life without either one of my siblings. I hope they feel the same about me. It makes me wonder why I was spared. I orignally thought it was because I wasn't a Christian, but that's diffrent now. Does that mean that my purpose if fulfilled?
Please pray for me. The thing I worte about a few posts ago is still a big issue! Please pray!

Life. It is. To live. To do. It's here. But one day it won't be. And then what? Life everlasting. Continuing. Forever. It will be. It is. How do you know? Tomorrow? Never? No, it is. It will be. It has to be.

So I read through my last 2 posts and I made it sound like I'm horribly depressed. I should clarify now that that is not the case. Everything is going great, if you take out the "stuff" on my mind almost all of the time. Don't get me wrong, everything I said is true, but I think that I made it sound like I'm complaining about life. Sorry if it came across wrong. I really need to take a writing class or something.

Oops! That last post wasn't supposed to be deragatory towards Jordan at all! He's just one of the most followerest people I know. Some people were meant to be leaders, some followers, and some have qualities of both. I think I fall somewhere in the both catagory. Sometimes I think I have leadership abilities, but then at times I think I can't lead a sheep off a cliff. In my oppinion, it's not better to be either a leader or a follower. I wish I was more of a leader. So I wasn't trying to cut down Jordan at all! Sorry if it came across that way. I can be so horrible sometimes. I don't exactly have the gift of words all the time, but that's a whole other post. Luego....

Jordanism

Iv'e been doing a whole lot of thinking lately, and my main conclusion was that I don't think much for myself. I am beginning to be what I'm calling a Jordanist, which basically means extreme follower. Or maybe you could call me a tape worm. It's like I'm feeding off of other people's opinions. It's like I can't make a decision for myself without someone else's oppinion. I can't do so much as a math problem without making sure someone else thinks I'm doing it right. Sometimes I think that it's not my will to serve others, that I'm serving others to look good. (BUT I just don't know if that's true or not! I don't want it to be true! I'm a horrible person!) I THINK that it's my desire to serve God, but then I second guess myself. I'm ALWAYS second guessing myself! Because I've fallen into this pattern of Jordanism, I'm loosing what makes me me. I don't even know because I'm such a mixture of everyone else's opinions. When will I form my own? When does it end?
Like I said in the last post, I desperately need to talk about everything, but I'm having an issue with trust. I spent 3 hours talking to my last youth pastor one time (and only, I will add, because he pressured me ino it) and then, he goes and tells his fiance everything I said. He also promised that if I told him he would help me. We didn't even say hi to each other after that. I was in counseling for awhile, but she told my parents something (now I personally thought that was illegal) and after a while, she didn't help me. I had 2 cousilors before her that called my parents and told on me! Ugh! If I can't count on proffessionals, who can I trust?
Well, this post has gone far from where I meant for it to, but oh well. That happens.....
So on that note, love God and love others!
~Kathryn Joy~

Their is something that is taking over my mind. Something that won't leave me alone. It's the first thing that pops in my head when I wake up in the morning. It's on my mind all day. It's the last thing I think of before I go to bed at night. It haunts my dreams. And when I wake up, the whole process starts over again. Sometimes the feeling's so intense that I feel physical pain. I am joyful when I have a 5 second break from the madness. Sleep is the only time I get a break from it, but it's so bad that sometimes I can't get to sleep. And, as I said, sometimes it haunts my dreams and there's no escaping it. In my mind there's only one option, but that is way out of the question. No need to worry. I pray for God to relieve this from me, but he hasn't so far. I need prayer very badly. Please pray hard if you are reading this. There is so much going on that I am botteling up. I desperately need to talk, but I can't. My parents have their spies everywhere. If I show any emotion at school, my teachers tell my parents. Wouldn't you think I could be real at youth group? Nope, the other night, I went to youth group broken and started crying. Of course my parents knew the next day. Most people expect me to be perky Kathryn, and if I'm anything different, my parents find out. In my prayer group I shared something that wasn't very personal and the very next day my mom was coming up to me all worried about me. I can't trust anyone. Who can I talk to when I need to? I'm lost, broken, confused, scared, but good at the same time. I need to talk. I guess that's why this blog is helpful. It always listens and doesn't judge.

Mas Fotos (muchos mas fotos, lo siento)

Oh my gosh! I love Lupita! She's so photogetic (don't know how to spell that, forgive me)

This is an aweful picture of me, but this is us stuccoing. Is that actually a verb that you can add "ing" to? Well, I did anyway.

This is the cross at sunrise. The fog is kind of in the backround. And so is the city.

I just think this is a cool picture. I was on the ladder (or is it latter) and they were on the roof.

Emily, doing something important! I love this girl!

Krystle Striplin, the love of my life!

I wish I could buy Monti Santo a real playground! I sturdy one!

Go to Mexico! You'll make amazing friends!

Eucher!!! Emily made an awesome partner! We definately won the mini-tournement we had too. It was so much fun!

Awesome family! We met them in 2004 for VBS and I've been talking to them since. They are amazing! Unfortunatly, due to Mexico's mail system, I never get there letters and they never get mine. Ugh!Biggest cross in this Hemesphere

Lupita and her grandma inside the house
Kirk, Me, Krystle, and Greg on the roof. Yes, me, on a roof! Who would have thought that would ever happen!!!
The hill in front of us is the hill we climbed up to watch the sun rise and set.
haha Krystle and I were locked in this little "room" thing. Nobody could hear us yell because they were using power tools upstairs!

Mexico installment #2

FYI...... Mexico Installment #3 actually comes before the pictures....
I don't think we got as much done as we planned, but I think some of that is due to the fact that Hernan, our supplier, needs lessons in supplying. Also, almost everyone got sick! One day I was painting the wall with mortar paint which was difficalt to do when I had to go to the bathroom every half hour or so to go puke or, well, you know. haha. Lots of people got diarrhea; it was nuts!
The highlight of the trip for me was visiting the families of the houses that we built in the past. Oh my gosh! It was amazing! How God can use people from an insignificant town in Michigan to do such an awesome work. It was awesome to see inside the houses and see what they've done with the places. The best part was seeing the kids, though. I really have a soft spot for Mexican kids. I didn't think they'd remember me, but they did! They did!!!! I almost cried when Lupita ran into my arms and wouldn't let go. It's an amazing feeling, for real! I could even comunticate with the kids a little bit!! Not, much, but I did my best. It was awesome to see Sandra from the first year too. She remembered me and we got to talk a little bit too.
Another awesome part was seeing a family from VBS a few years ago. I was teary when Alegandra ran into my arms and cried! It was amazing! Thanks you, God for that! It was AMAZING! I love that family to death! I wish I could help them!
Another highlight which may seem stupid was playing Eucher and spoons with everyone. It helped us to "bond" and grow closer. I haven't had so much fun in forever!!! Emily made an awesome Eucher partner! We totally rocked! I also helped in breaking the table while diving across to get a spoon, but it wasn't all my fault!
My other favorite part was going up to "my" mountain. It wasn't really a spititual experience (mostly because I was concerned about keeping myself warm and getting good pictures), but it still had special meaning and I think it always will. We climbed up one night to watch the sunset (beautiful!) and a few of us crazy kids got up early to watch the sunrise. There is no better place in the world to watch the sun then the hill in Mexico! For real, it's amazing! I had fun hanging out with the people who went up and will always remember what happened there!

Mexico instalment #1

Wow......... There are never enough accurate words to describe a mission trip. My mind can never wrap around the experience. I don't even think it ever fully sinks-in. The trip was so full of emotions! Joy, love, dislike, happiness, sadness, confusion, hurt, forgiveness....... Everything! Wow, that makes the trip sound like it wasn't good. It wasn't like that at all! Let me explain... With 10 people together for 10 days, there will be emotions! It's a fact. For the most part I think we got along alright. There were some times when a few people got on my nerves, but it wasn't like I wanted to kill anyone..... Ok, well, it wasn't like I wanted to kill anyone very often. There was one kid who kept making comments about my size without really even thinking about it. (he keeps bringing it up now too.... ugh!)I felt mostly like I wasn't being helpful enough. I keep thinking that I didn't do enough for the group. Some people were complaining about people that didn't work hard, and when I wasn't around, my name was probably mentioned too. I was also probly mentioned with the annoying list people. I feel like I bothered everyone a lot. I feel like I was too immature. At the very beginning of the trip, I wished I hadn't gone because it hit me somewhere on the 31 hour van ride that I was too young. Everyone else was 20's, 30's, and 40's and I'm 16. I was afraid that people were going to exclude me because of my age. But that's not how it turned out, thank God! I was included! It felt so good to be included. You have not idea. Thanks everyone! I still can't shake the feeling that I bothered everyone. I wish I knew, so I didn't have to wonder. But at least most people at least pretended to like me. I felt so welcome! So loved!
My, oh my, how I miss everyone. Well, almost everyone...... When you're stuck with people for 10 days, they become like family for those 10 days. I know it sounds corny, but hey, it's true. After coming home I started bawling!!! I didn't want to be home. I was tired and cranky and my mom was yelling at me and I just wanted to go back to Mexico. I miss the kids, I miss Chila, I miss Juan and Lisha, I miss the group that went.