God is Good!

"All good things are worth working hard for."

Man, I am in such a good mood! Liz spent the night last night, and we just had SO much fun together! We went on a road trip to the bridge and used a whole role of film taking pictures of us! She's awesome. I love you Liz. Last night was fun! (ask your mom about Friday)

I LOVE JESUS! He is SO awesome!! In church this morning we sang "Blessed be your name". I love it.
"Every blessing you poor out, I'll turn back to praise. When the darkness closes in Lord, Still I will say, Blessed be the name of the Lord! Blessed be your glorious name!"

Some cool verses I've discovered lately:
"You saw my body as it was being formed. All the days planned for me were written in Your book before I was 1 day old." -Psalm 139:16
"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus." - Philippians 2:5
"Do everything without grumbling or complaining" -Philippians 2:4
"Jesus said,'In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world.'" -John 16:33
"The Lord is a refuge to the oppressed, a stronghold in the time of trouble." -Psalm 9:9
"Cast your cares on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never let the righeous fall."
-Psalm 55:22
"When I am afraid I will trust in you. In God whose words I praise, in God I trust. I will not be afraid. What can man do tot me?" -Psalm 56:3-4
"Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS, and again I say have joy."

I don't remember what I was going to add!

O my gosh! I'm so close to tears. Work was just AWEFUL today. I canceled my plans to go to work because my friend's step-day died, and work called and said they really needed me. Well, they didn't and I had nothing to do while working with a bunch of people I don't know (some of them really mean too). I almost walked out, but I"m a good employe, so I didn't. The thing that kept me going was that today is Benjamin's first day home from college (he got home when I got out of work at 7), but who did he chose to spend his time with? You guessed it, friends. I was so looking forward to this too! I had everything planned out. Maybe I'm just over reacting, but this week was TERRIBLE at school, and I've been down lately anyway. Today was just the straw that broke the camel's back.

While I was in Florida I noticed a lot of girls walking around wearing next to nothing. Do they expect to get seen normally? I mean when we were there, girls walked into the store wearing like dental floss, and I'm wondering... Do they want to get treated like a piece of meat? Are they looking for the prize of getting some guy to fall for them and then sleep with them? What kind of a life is that? I think girls get a lot more respect when we cover-up, but who knows, I'm not a guy, and I don't know how they think (nor do I think I want to!) Girls that have sex before marriage are unhappy because they go through guy after guy or what ever. But girls who don't have sex feel unloved too. It's all just a viscous circle of feeling unloved. Even as a Christian I struggle with this. The night I became a Christian I basically gave up on myself and God, but God showed me that He has bigger plans for me than I could imagine. Even when I feel abandoned by everyone on earth, I know that there is a God who loves me enough to die, to actually DIE for ME, Kathryn Wickman! It breaks my heart to hear that teenagers don't know that, and know that they don't know that God loves them. They use sex to find love instead of God. I feel a call by God to work with teenagers that go through stuff, and really let them know that God is absolutely in love with them. I can't imagine living my life without Christ and His ever-present love and direction. It just breaks my heart that everyone doesn't know how much God loves them. The teen suicide rate is so terribly high, and I just wonder... What if those people knew a God that loved them. I know I wouldn't be alive today if I hadn't found God in the summer. Actually, He found me! He found me while I was a wreck. Dead in Him. I hated Him. I felt abandoned my Him. I don't know how I made in through those times prior to that without God, but maybe God will use that time in my life to help others. Maybe not. But I know God's plan isn't for me to sit and watch my butt grow. I still struggle with temtation every single day and sometimes I give in. I mean, I'm only human, but what gets me through every time is God's arms wrapped around me pulling me out. How do people that don't have that support make it through? I know I couldn't have made it without God. It's really been heavy on my heart to pray for teenagers that feel abandoned -teenagers that can't see the light at the end of the tunnel- teenagers that feel unloved. If those teenagers could only see God and know, they wouldn't have to use sex to feel better. I wonder how much better the world would feel if we would turn from our wicked ways and seek after Christ. Whoever reads this should pray for hopeless teenagers too. And pray for me because I can be one of them. And pray for me as I try to minister to them!!!!

Pressure

I have a question, for no one imparticular. How do Christian people respond to nonChristian people who are improper? I mean, like, at work people make jokes and stuff or they talk about things, and I feel like I have to laugh. If not, I'd pretty much be "a bump on a log." I don't want to be known as a "goody-goody," but I don't want to compromise my Christianity in any way. I want people to know I'm a Christian. I don't know how Sarah does it. I mean, as hard as it is, I don't swear or anything because I want to be a Christian influence, but I have such a hard time not listening to people when they talk, even about inapropriate things. Sarah will say right out how wrong someting is, and people know now not to swear around her or talk dirty around her. People respect her. They respect her wishes. I don't know how to handle this. Ok, ok, Kathryn is overreacting, but I really am struggling with this. Maybe it all comes down to the acceptence issue. Maybe I feel I have to fit in. Well, I do want to fit in. I feel I need to fit in, but, of course, I don't fit in. Go figure.
There's something that been on my mind. It's about teenagers (of course). Christian teenagers, actually. There's all these Christian people that I know (most of them actually). They all claim Christianity but somehow act as though they are not. The things they talk about and the things they do. Some of it, I'll have to admitt is funny, but when I think about it later, I realize that it might not be so clean or right. The things is, I join in. I laugh, and I think it's funny. I shouldn't have to be feeling guilty about anything I do with Chritstian friends. Here's the problem.... all of the Christian people that I know that make me think I shouldn't be hearing that are my awesome friends. All of the people that aren't are "goody-goody" people that I don't like to hang out with because I get condemed for saying things like crap or dang. Don't get me wrong (I think it's fuuny how I'm reffering to myself as me when I'm talking to myself, since noone reads this that I know of) I'm not not doing anything wrong with my Christian friends like robbing a bank. It's just that some of the jokes and stuff people say are wrong and against God's teaching. If I mention anything to them I get talked about how I think I'm so perfect. Am I assuming this? No, it's happened many times before. Many.
I'm just a Christian teenage girl trying to live my faith. But there's all this pressure in the world, Christian and nonChristian worlds, about language, sex, sexual jokes, and treating the oposite sex like objects. That's somthing that I've been noticing, espesially in Florida. I have more to say about this, but I have to go now. I'll post more about it later.

Things that make me smile

The sun on my face
my feet in the sand
the feeling of somebody holding my hand
a smiling face
a friend's embrace
Listening to my favorite bands
gazing at stars
sword fights with pens
laughing and talking with all of my friends
driving cool cars
"nomands on mars"
running from old men just for prentend
inside jokes
taking photos
smiling at cameras in a crazy pose
sinigng with my folks
stupid jokes
going with all of my friends to the shows
Playing card games
writing poems
knowing that I have a great loving home
funny names
cone walls of fame
thoughts that one day God'll take me home

New Jersey

just want to leave. Let me leave. Let me get away....

We might move to New Jersey! FarmerJack might get sold, and if so we might need to move to New Jersey for my dad's work. GrandRapids is also an option. That would be better than New Jersey, but I don't know if I could live in big city. It's weird, I want to move somewhere and get away from everything and everyone, but I don't want to move to NJ. I don't have close relationships with anyone. If I were to move, I don't think I would be missed, but I don't know it I would miss too many people either.
Liz's mom offered for me to move in with them! Don't know if my parents will go along with it or even if a move will happen to anyone, but right now it's looking pretty likely. Ms. Richards says that I shouldn't move across the country during high school. haha, living with my best friend, how strange. I would like it though. I would be happy there. She would keep me at New Life. I'm not sure about Cornerstone, and that's on of the reasons that I really don't want to move to N.J. I doubt my parents would go along with it....

Confidence poem

You need to have confidence
To stand for your beliefs
If you're not courageous
Where will they find relief?
Men and women taunt
Make jokes about your faith
But don't let it ruin you
or back don 'til you feel safe
Pray to God for the confidence
To tell them about His love
Pray for His healing power
So in their hearts He'll move
If you loose your courage
Who will show the way?
Won't you feel guilty
upon that judgment day?
~Kathryn Wickman~

Places where God isn't reached

Loud bangs rang throughout the city, shaking buildings waking up sleeping people. Screams could be heard in every direction of women being cleaved from their husbands. Men were holding in tears trying to be brave while watching their children scramble around desperately screaming for their parents. Angry-looking men with big, heavy guns were shoving people into carts, train, busses, and boats, not really caring about putting families together- families not knowing if they would ever see their husbands, wives, sons, or daughters again. All of these people had one thing in common- Christianity. Some people were Christians, others hated the Christians. Others were simply children or relatives of Christians. But they were all there because of one thing, and that was Christianity.
No one quit knew why anymore, but for some reason, several years ago, it was decided that in all the land there would be no religion other than that of communism. Children under age eighteen were not even allowed to learn of any type of religion, even communist religions until that age. Otherwise it would be a criminal offence. People that chose to break this rule chose prison or even death. Parents who chose to teach their children religion were tortured, punished, and their kids would be killed without any report of violence.
People were crowded into carts so tightly that some passed out from sever claustrophobia. People got sick all over each other because there was no room to move. Everyone stood shoulder-to-shoulder and stomach-to-back breathing down each other’s necks. Comfort was not an option. No one moved, and no one said a word. Not even the little children who had been desperately screaming for their parents made a sound. They were frightened, no terrified, of what was to come next. Beatings? Torture? Death? Would they ever see their families again? Where were they going? What was happening?
This is a true story, not just for one person, but several people. Things like this happen every single day in places like China, Albania, and other places where the gospel of Jesus Christ is not allowed. Pray for the Christians, pray for the people in charge. One-by-one things like this can change.

This describes a passion of mine

Confused I sit here wondering why
My future would call me to ever know pi.
There’s too many numbers and to many names,
I wish I could end these silly games!
No offense, Mr. Heinemann, for your teaching is great,
It’s not your class, it’s math I hate!
I wish I could pass the time really quick,
To me this is as annoying as a tick.
The teacher’s explained it one hundred times,
But all I hear is mumbling chimes.
Wondering when I’ll be free from this madness
I think I’ll end this class in sadness.
The numbers run to different places,
Each time putting on new faces.
A squared plus b squared what does this mean?
Putting numbers with letters is simply obscene!
The class seems to get it, but it’s way over my head,
And how I’ve made it this far still remains to be said.
Disgust overwhelms me every first hour,
Thinking someone created this just for power.
Confusion and disgust are my emotions.
I’m confused still wondering what is a quotient,
Disgusted about being on problem two
When the rest of the class is almost through!
I just don’t get it, it’s much too tough,
Who knows, maybe someday I’ll get this stuff.

~Kathryn Wickman~

My Wish List

My Wish List

I wish that for once the world would have peace
And for a while the fighting would cease
I wish that we would stop hating each other
And learn how to love our brothers
I wish that children would stop calling names
And would have the uncool join their games
I wish that people would not drink and drive
And let the innocent stay alive
I wish that in the media looks wouldn’t matter
And no jokes would be made if someone got fatter
I wish that people would respect my God
And that Christians in China wouldn’t get shot
I wish that the world never saw porn
And that we'd save the lives of the unborn
I wish that father wouldn’t abuse
And hug their kids as they would choose
I wish that mothers wouldn’t leave
And only to her husband would she cleave
My wishes for the world may never come true
But goodness can start with me and you
~Kathryn Wickman

Joy Poem

Joy

Pain, searing pain
Is what I used to feel
Hurt, so much hurt
In the life I found so real
Forgiveness, new forgiveness
Is what I need so soon
Love, true love is what I have in you
Peace, sweet peace
In the life that I have found
Joy, pure joy
Is what I feel now
~Kathryn Wickman

Acceptance

Teenagers... I don't understand us. I don't think anyone ever will. We are so emotional, so down, and so mean. We long so much to be accepted, to be wanted, so we will be rude to each other just to get that. And most people that are accepted as teenagers end up being janitors for a crappy school. So why do we long for acceptance? I'm guilty of it. Non-Christian people use sex to feel accepted, but of course that ends in more pain and worthlessness feelings. Christian people should long after God's acceptance. So many times we put having friends and being popular in front of God and God's will for our lives. I struggle with the way I look. Someone called me ugly and fat a few times the other day. I was hurt because I want to look nice in by the world's standards. I put trying to look cute in front of everyone in front of everything sometimes. It sucks, I know. It only ends in hurt and sadness because I know I will never be beautiful in the world's eyes, but I can be beautiful in the eyes of God. I am. He created me to be exactly how he wants me to be- every freckle, every hair, and every inch of height that I am so conscious about. A guy told me yesterday that he likes the girls that are pretty, so he would never like me. I pretended like it didn't hurt, but obviously it did. But why? God made me just how he wants. He made me to look exactly how I do. He wanted me to be heavy and he wanted me to be tall (at least this time in my life). He wanted me to have big feet and poofy hair. I need to learn to be ok with this. A chapel speaker talked about this today. He was saying how God made us for a purpose. I may not know it yet, but it's coming. God promises. I trust him! So I will never understand us, but while I have to be one, I will have to accept being a teenager.

A new day, a new blog, and an old life

I decided to get a new blog. I don't know if I'll give anyone this address or not. My other blog is completely confidential, but who knows what I'll write in here. So if you are reading this feel special because you are privaliged. But I would like to warn anyone who reads this that I am an emotional train wreck.

Grrrr.... The Terry Shaivo lady died awhile ago. I think what they did so was wrong and inhumane. I mean, what's next, are we going to start starving people that can't talk because they can't talk. I'm not really sure what I think about euthanasia, but I know that this way of killing this lady was sick and wrong. Her husband was the stupid looser that wanted her dead. He parents were willing to keep her and take care of her. She was healthy, but she had brain damage. So are we going to start starving every person that is mentally challenged now? I have this friend, Joe M. He's one of the coolest guys I know, and you know what, he's in a wheel chair, and he can't really say much. (I think his vocabulary consist of 20 foggy words). He has control over one hand, but the other one does what it wants. He drools and can't do much for himself, but you know what, he's awesome, and I wouldn't have him any other way. His laugh is so awesome, and he is just genuinely a cool guy. Are we going to start killing people like this because he can't walk on his own or talk or because he drools? I babysit a 16 year old who is autistic and has the mental capacity of about an 8 1/2 year old. I'm sure if she could, she would be "normal", but she can't and she never will be. So are we going to kill people like this because they're not by our standards "normal"? No, we wouldn't think about it. So why do we kill other people that can't do things on their own? It just makes me sick.