The end of my blog?

I think I might end this blog. It's kinda weird having people read my thoughts. I mean, I don't put anything too personal on here, that's for my other blog, but still.... We'll see....

Hmph...

My dad is pretty much garenteed this job. The only thing is that they already have a person for this for of the country. My parents are staring to make the house "sellable". This is so hard. epesially since we still just don't know. I'm scared. Things aren't looking so upbeat. I will try to have a good aditude about it.

Job

I never thought of relating job (the book of the Bible) to my own life. Today at group Josh and Mrs. Leslie were talking about it and what they said made sense for my own life. Job lost everything he had, and even thought I don't think (at least I hope not) that I will loose everything, I have lost things and am in danger of loosing things like the place I live. I can not even come close to what Job went through, but hey, relating it works, right?

Oh, and I found out that Brittany wants to go to Mexico! It's awesome because she's in like the same boat I was in last year. I am exited to see what God will do for her and in her life!! I don't always like her, but I am probably too exited to see how God can change her. If He can change me, He can change anyone. Thank you so much, God! Please not only work in her life, but also in the lives of me and everyone on the trip and the people that we serve there in Mexico. Thanks!

Yesterday someone asked me why I seemed so joyful, and my answer was simply because Jesus has made me joyful!

This could be good or bad!

My dad had a job interview yesterday. It's for a comany called Sterytech or something like that. They do audits for resturaunts and stuff. My dad told me the he is the perfect fir for the job. This is the place that has two headquarters: one in Charlette, North Carolina, and one in San Diego, California. That could be a bad thing because we might have to move, but the good thing is that when Farmer Jack gets sold, my dad will probably have a job and we won't be comlpletely lost. The other good news is that they have people all over the country, so maybe would could stay here in Michigan. We just don't know, but I'm hoping we'll find out soon. I think the hardest part is just not knowing.

So, we got a "new" youth pastor! (Atleast for the time being)He's kind of nerdy and weird. Just kidding! Everyone likes Craig!

Thanks everyone for all of your prayers!!

New News

So, an update. My daddy got this e-mail from this guy who like said that he maybe possibly might offer him a job sometime in the future, sorta. There headquarters are in two places: Charlotte, North Carolina and San Diego, California. I guess my pappy's boss doesn't know if my dad would have a job in New Jersey anymore. We looked at houses in Grand Rapids that are like really nice 5 bedroom, 2.5 baths with swimming pools and stuff.

Mexico: I can't wait! I'm exited! I heard there's not many teenagers going, so that will be interesting. I guess I'll get a chance to meet and get to know new people. I'm exited that I can see my Julie and hang out with some of my other friends that I don't see a whole lot.

So, I should say something deep..... Why is it that if God is God, then why do we try to be God ourselves? hmmm....

Warfare at school

There was a letter in the prayer request box from a person at school. It wasn't a prayer request, it was a hate note basically. She said that there is no hell, and Christian's are stupid to believe that s***. The person ended the note with, "When you are ready to come to your senses, Satan will always be there for you." The thing is, I know who this person is! She told me a few months ago that she is not a Christian. Everything she said was pretty much me last year, so I should know what to say, right? No! I have no idea what to say to her, or even if I should say anything. I think the best thing is to just be there for her. The thing is, I think she does believe in God and Hell, and as much as I hate to say it, I think it is an attention thing. I love her to death, but the whole situation is just weird. Josh said that there is a person at school who imed him and said that they watch him all the time, and they know everything he does, and he said he talked to this person for a long time and they just kept trashing him and threatening him. At group today we were talking about spititual warfare because all of us could feel it. It was scarey, but I was ok this time because I knew God was there. We prayed so hard for the spiriual war going on at school. We are scared!

Oops!

I would like to edit my last entry because God did not die to me, He died for me! Oops!

missed opportunity!

I told Shane at work that I go to New Life Christian Academy today. He asked me what we learn there, and Alan was like "duh, school stuff!" Then Shane looked really confused and was like, "do you talk about God?" And I'm like "yes we do." And he's like "a lot?" and I'm like, "not like all the time, but enough." Then he asked me if we learn about evolution. I said that we learn about evolution, but we learn that it not right. Then he asked if we were aloud to form our own beliefs. I told him that some people don't believe creation, but I do. I said that I believe in God, and I believe that God created human beings. I said it's hard for me to believe that humans evolved from rocks or monkeys. He told me that humans came from bacteria. Then he threw all of these things at me, and I couldn't answer him! Then Alan told him to shut the "heck" up, and we all went to work. I didn't know what to say! I told him I wanted to talk to him more. I felt bad because I've been raised to believe creation, but I can't really defend it. I don't know what to do if I ever am faced with this again (which I hope to be- after I'm ready) Maybe taking biology Jr. year will help. Wow! I just read that and none of it makes sense! Oh, well, I understand it, and that's what matters.

Things to be thankful for

It's amazing how old habbits come back suddenly when times get tough...


Ok, so in light of everything that's been going on, I'm going to make a list of what I'm thankful for....

1.) A loving family
2.) a great town/city/state/country
3.) a warm house (in Michigan as of now)
4.) a job (I'm not always thankful for that one, but hey)
5.) a Chriatian education
6.) great friends!
7.) an awesome God that loves me
8.) God that died to me!!
9.) Cornerstone
10.) a Healthy body

Sad goodbye

Yesterday was really hard to say goodbye. Nobody wanted to have to say it. Some many people cried. I saw people cry that I've never seen cry before. Tim cried. Jackie cried. I cried. It was hard to do. I wonder what's going to happen, I mean like if we're going to get a new guy soon. Hopefully somone who'll stick around for a while, maybe 3 years this time. It would be nice to not get a new youth pastor ever year. We'll see what the future holds. I might not even care in a few months anyway because of New Jersey, but I don't even know about that.
I do know that no matter what, New Jersey or not, I get to paint my room pink! I like pink and black.

Another hard day

The change is just overbearing in my life right now. I don't know if I can handle anything else without exploading! I think I'm about to! I just found out that there probably won't be a volleyball team next year because Mr. D. is leaving and coach Davey said he wouldn't coach without Mr.D. So there you go, another thing to add.
Miss Tony told me today that God is probably trying to teach me to depend on him. The prayer group was awesome today. Everyone was praying for me. Everyone was hugging me as I was crying and stuff. It was great. I basically walked around like a zombie all day because all of this is coming at me at once. It wasn't that Tim is leaving although, I guess that could be part of it. It was just everything. Everyone is leaving me or I'll be leaving everyone. I don't know what to do! But Mike bout me chocolate (my comfort food/ kryptonite), so things are a little better.

So, I'm doing pretty good at blogging everyday as was my command from my therapist, Laurie, who said it will help me, so I got today's in and now I can be done. I'm home alone because the rest of my family went to G.R. for Sarah's orientaion to G.V.S.U.
I think next time I'm going to make a list of all I'm thankful for.

Your #1 Match: ENFP

The Inspirer You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules.Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller! You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

What's" Your Personality Type?

Hard Times ahead

Wow! It's hard to hear news like I heard today. Tim is leaving Cornerstone (for reasons unbeknownst to me) meaning I will have seen 3 youth pastors come and go in the past four years that I've been in youth group. I didn't "connect" with all 3 of them, but I did "connect" with Tim. We talked for a few hours in Florida.
This just adds to the change about to take place in my life. Maybe it's time to think about the reality about to hit me head-on. I've been putting it off for a long time.
The end of the summer will be the last time Benjamin will ever live with me. Next summer he is moving to California for a job at a summer camp, and then he's moving back to college, just to do it again the next year and every year until he's out of college. His graduation was one of the hardest things I have experienced because it meant I was loosing a best friend who has ALWAYS been there by my side for everything. He's back for the summer, but it's hard because I don't want to get too re-atatched and never ever have things back to normal. He's almost 20 now!
At the beginning of the school year, Liz, my best friend ever, started up a new school after going to school together for 10 years. It's still hard because I don't have very many friends at school, and I still miss her a lot.
Dawn, a girl I got really close to 7th and 8th grade year (she knows me better that most people) went off to RBC 3 hours away, but I still got to see her from time-to-time. Now, she is moving to Florida and getting married.
Sarah, my other sibling/ good friend, is also going to college next year 3 hours away. We shared a room for 14 years, and now we are doing it again. She is leaving with Benjamin. I will be alone with my parent for 3 years with no one to talk to or sympathize with me when my parents go nuts.
Several of my friends from school will no longer be attending my school next year (lucky them- New Life is driving me nuts!). I have gone to school with these people since I started school, and they won't be returning next year.
Tracey, an older friend I have from church, is getting married and now going to another church. She and I got really close, but she won't be there anymore.
One of my teachers is leaving my school (which wouldn't be such a bad thing except....) this means that Mr. Heinemann will be teaching both chemistry and algebraII to me next year. I really like Mr. H, but I don't understand his teaching. I got all a's and b's in my other classes, but I got a D in his class this year, and I did really bad last year with him too. I can't have him for 2 classes because I get SO confused and mad at myself because I don't understand. And when I get mad at myself bad things happen. I'm already stressing about this, that's how much it means to me.
And the big cohuna to brake the camel's back.... New Jersey. Only now we know for sure that Farmer Jack is up for sale. Basically, we're screwed! I might as well start packing.
I can't handle this! This is too much! I feel like I have huge rock on my shoulder that won't leave.
Why does this all have to happen at one time?! Can't I depend on anything?! Everything is changing.... Family, friends, school, work, church.... The only thing that hasn't let me down is God's love! But it's hard to see with the rocl blocking my view!
God help me to see the better in all of these situations!

Next Year

Rough day.... Well, the ending of it. You could say that reality hit me between the eyes. Reality of next year

Guys... ugh!

I'm so sick of guys! Ok, not everyone can be a 100 lb supermodle! Nobody even bothers to get to know you if you're 6 feet tall and 1billion lbs with poofy hair. I get frustrated when girls spend 50 years in the bathroom putting every hair in place because some girls are lucky and can look beautiful, and those are the girls that have perfect clothing and stuff. Nodybody cares what there personality is (not that I have that either). I'm so sick of Jake that keeps telling me that I'm not pretty so he'll never like me. I'm sick of Catherine who keeps telling me that I'll never get a boyfriend because I'm so fat. Why does it stinking matter what somebody looks like? My sister and I decided that we are too poor to be fashionable, but she is beautiful and has a boyfriend. I'm not looking for a boyfriend now or anything because I'm only 15, and most likely I'm not going to find the guy I'm going to marry just yet. Jill dated this guy for 1 1/2 years, but he cheeted on her several times during this time. She is convinced that he really cared for her and not these other girls, but she wouldn't have sex with him, so he slept with other girls. Now she wants to go back out with him after all of that because "he's changed". She sounds like an abused wife! Why can't guys be locked in a closet until we're mature enough to get married? I just wish that 50% of guys minds weren't focased on only sex. When I was in 6th grade, Mr. A. came up to me and told me that one day I will find a man who loves me ans thinks I'm totaly hot (which was really out of the blue and weird to hear from a 60 year old man). I'm sick of being the ugly one of 3 siblings and the beast in my class. The thing is, I can't loose weight because of the lexapro, so Dr. S. said that he's going to put me on a weight loss pill. I'm not too thrilled about going on a pill for that, but hey, whatever works. Even still, I'm never going to be what the guys are looking for. Maybe I should spend more time caring about how I look. After a while, I just learned to look in the miror, say "ew", and know there is nothing I can do to change the way I look. I know I'm supposed to be content with what God gave me, it's hard when guys only like the supermodles. And on that note, why does it matter what others think of me anyway? Maybe because ever living, breathing human being wants to be accepted and look nice.
God, help to to rely on you and not care about what others think of how I look. You gave me this body for a reason,
I didn't right this post for people to compliment me, but just to vent I guess, and hey, I'm allowed to do what ever I want on this thing, right?

Randomness in fun!

Just felt like saying that I love Jesus. (hey, this is my blog, I can say whatever the heck I want, right?) He saved me from myself and from sin, and now I am His. I love Him.

"I was dead in the trespasses and sins in which I once walked...And was by nature a child of wrath...But God...Made me alive together with Christ...I am His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works..." (Ephesians 2:1-10) (credits to Sean)

Mexico

I'm getting really exited for Mexico. At first, I didn't even think I was going to go, and when I finally decided to go, I wasn't really exited. And then I didn't think I coulf afford it. So then I decided that I couldn't go because of money issues. But things have been coming right into place. Last week, someone handed an envelope with money in it for my trip. I'm starting to wonder if maybe God really wants me on this trip.... I mean, he's opening all of the doors! Last years's experience was so great that I didn't think I could go back and have it not be as great and then be disappointed and not remember Mexico as this really great trip. Then I started thinking that I wouldn't be of any help to the team and that I would just be in the way. Maybe that's true, and maybe not, but I'm not going to let it stop me. I really hope both Sarah and me can go and not either/or. God is opening the doors for that too. I factored out the a whole month worth of pay check. And I've been getting extra hours at work, and at 5.60$ and hour, I could use the extra hours. And Rena nd I are going to findraise.... somehow.... I pray that we will be able to both go. I really miss the kids that I met! Everyone was so awesome, and it was reallt hard for me to leave them. I want to give them everything. I wanted to pack them into my suitcase and take them home with me. One family actually called on the telephono, but they called collect, and dad wouldn't let me exept the charges. I cried so hard! Then dad said that the next time they called we could exept the chrges and quickly get there phone number so we could call then on the calling card, but they haven't called since and that was a while ago.
God, thanks for opening the doors, and being so awesome about this!

More good news....
I've been really wanting to get into a Bible study, but I'm so dang busy that I can't really get into one. Last week, somebody from church said they were starting a Bible study for the summer. She said she wanted it on probably Thursdays which is the only day of the week that I don't have a single thing to do, exept when Sarah grabs be by the hair and makes me go to the Quest with her. Monday I always have doctors appointments, Tuesdays I work, Wednesdays I work, Thursday is absolutly nothing (besides the fudge sunday that my sister and I ghet every Thursday) and Friday I have doctor appointments and time with friends. I can't wait until the summer when I don't have school and I don't have to run around like a morron stressing myself out trying to get everything done. I think I overbook myself. It's hard for me to say no. I want to do everything.

Title

Lots of people have asked me why my blog title is "I wish I were an oscar meyer wiener", and that is simply because if I were an oscar meyer wiener, everyone would be in love with me.

I have the day off of work today! School's having it's promotional banquet thingy, and choir's singing a few songs. Then we're going to school to have pizza and cake. It'll be like the first of 6 choir concerts this month. Thursday is the national day of prayer, and we're singing a few songs for that too.

I used to want to be a writer, but now as I read through this blog and my other blog, I am terrible at getting across what I want to say without rambling on and on and on and on and on and on and on some more. And I don't have anything extremely important to say and.

No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind. - First Law of Bicycling
"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious." - Alan Minter, Boxer
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

FYI, this blog is a journal of my thought, so some things I say are completely stupid and/ or random, and although I know that some people read this from time-to-time, I usually just talk about whatever, so it may get boring.

In God's hands

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. I Thessalonians 5:16

I took a well-needed nap today. It was AWESOME!!!

I was thinking the other day, why do I try so hard sometimes to be my own God? I mean, I try to solve my own problems and think I can do it my way. That's what it comes down to, I guess, my way- my own way. Not God's way. And if there's one way (which there is) then God's way is the way to go.

So, a New Jersey update... We still don't know anything. My dad's boss doesn't even know. The rumors are hot and heavy, though, like in the newspapers and stuff. I realize that God wouldn't move me across the country if it would be bad for me... At least I don't think. If it is what is best, then I guess I can't fight it. We'll just see how I feel if we actually do have to move. I've learned to place it all in God's hands because I can't be my own God and decide what is best. I'm only 15, and my parents and God are a heck of a lot wiser than I am. Right now, though, I don't think I could do it. I'm too insecure! (Oh well, pray for me on this issue.)
I took a spiritual gifts test and some of my lowest things were wisdom, knowledge, prophecy, and ones that invovled being smart. My lowest were hope and tonges. I scored highest in mercy, mission, giving, encouragement, and one more, but I don't remember what it was. I'm fishy about how accurate the test actually was. They made statements and you had to rate 1-4 on how much they aplied. The ststements were like, "I am a spiritual leader in other countries", and because I put 0 for that one I have no hope aparently. It was weird.

I'm way to verbose! Way too wordy! Stacey, I know what you ment on your blog when you said that you start out with one topic and end on another. I keep typing something and end up saying something completely different, so I delete the first thing. And the first thing is important. And then I end up with rambling nonsence like you see here. There I go again... way to verbose.

Ben's home! I am so happy to have him home. I won't even allow myself to think about next year. I don't want to. People mention it all the time, and I usually just say, "I don't like to think about that yet."

Nameless poem (I can't think of anything)

Tempest raging o're the morrow
Sadness turning into sorrow
forth I go with fear to follow
the heart is empty, hurt, and hollow
apprehension scarcely shallow
trepidation tarrys, tallows
loneliness no longer fallow
experience in matters callow
I fear the fear that is the follow
As I morn the morning of tomorrow

I like to write poetry. I'm really not talented when it comes to poems, but it's something I enjoy to do. Most of my poems are pretty corny. I think I get that from my sister (or my dad).